"Constantly Changing"

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“ Constantly Changing”. I borrowed the title of this blog entry from one of my favorite songs by one of my favorite bands, Jerusalem. The song “Constantly Changing” is from their 1981 album, Warrior. I was surprised just doing a by-chance-just-in-case search on Youtube that there is a great video of this song here from the 1980's (and you can tell it's from then but for fans of Jerusalem, it's great). Lyrics to the song are here.

I first heard the phrase “change is the only constant” when I was working at Charles Schwab back in the 1990's, as a reference to the company's continual evolution and innovation to meet the needs of our customers.

Because so many things seem to be changing for me personally right now, and that force of change is echoed in the larger world in significant ways, it seemed a good theme for this blog entry. I don't know for sure where it's going to go yet, but I hope you will stick around for the trip.

Leaving OZ – wait a minute, not so fast! From the time I came to Topeka in January, 2010, I have been focused on leaving at the right time. At first, I thought I would meet my obligation to be here for a year (which I committed to in order to qualify for the sign-on bonus that was my primary motivation for coming here in the first place), and would then go back on the road but be based in Dallas.

That year has come and gone, and I'm still here.

I wrote a couple of entries ago about the “ Possibility” that seemed to characterize the work going on in my heart at the beginning of this year. Included in that mix was an openness in my heart to relationship once more for the first time in years.

In January, I began talking to a very nice woman here in Kansas, and thought that might lead to something substantial, and would therefore anchor me more firmly in Kansas – potentially the rest of my life. As it happened, things didn't progress very far before we both lost heart for its potential.

(I heard that! What do you mean, “ Well that's one area that doesn't seem to be changing”? Who said that anyway? Don't make me call Blog Security to this entry! Well, anyway . . .)

Then I thought that since Terry is engaged to be married, I would leave Kansas when we no longer shared an apartment – but I was having thoughts of being based in Georgia again instead of Dallas for now. I had actually decided to leave when our apartment lease is up at the end of April, and even started preparing for that change, talking to my family and friends about it.

But the week after I'd decided to leave, Terry and I had a long talk on the road, and for various reasons, it seemed the only right thing to do was to stay here a little longer than I had anticipated. In some ways, I feel like Dorothy must have felt when the Wiz is in the balloon on his way back to Kansas, and she misses it, and is stuck in OZ. Of course, I was trying to get away from Kansas, but that's a minor technicality, isn't it?

Ironically, days after I decided to stay in Kansas after all, some things happened with Jon and his family that caused my connection to them to be even more significant, and that confirmed for my own heart that I had made the right decision. How often have I wished to have those confirmations before the fact – or at least a little hint? (Oh, now that's just going too far – so you don't think I could take a hint even if it was given, huh? [You guys see what I have to put up with here?]) – but that's not how things work generally in my experience. And, as I have said so many times in this blog over the past year: the important thing is not where we are or what we are doing but the condition of our hearts at any given time.

And, along with staying in Kansas, I've also gotten a car after a year of Terry letting me use his truck, and I'll be getting a new roommate, a guy Terry and I work with named Ernie – a good guy.

So the sum of the situation is this: in the middle of all the change, it turns out that the main thing supposed to change (in my mind) is remaining the same after all.

Will I ever leave Kansas? Anyone have any heels I can click?

Until next time . . . celebrate “ constantly changing” . . . blessings and love to you all!

Allan