Stop Trying To Please God

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." -- Jesus, Matthew 11:28-30 (The Message)

"For those with ears to hear." It is appropriate that, even though this particular blog entry has been in some stage of being written and edited for several weeks, and the topics have been a primary subject of thought and meditation for me since early January, it is finally being posted on Easter Sunday. The resurrection of Jesus from the dead is the capstone to all the other redemptive activity of God throughout eternity; the victorious resurrection of Jesus makes possible all else that is promised in the good news of the gospel.

The good news of the gospel of grace and peace is exactly my primary topic for today, especially as contrasted with the anemic substitute offered by religion. In writing about these things, I am, of course, reflecting my own understanding and perspective. I realize that many people have different views about much of what the gospel means and its implications.

If what is written doesn't speak to you, it is not written for you. Go your way in peace. However, for those who are "tired . . . worn out . . . burned out on religion", I write these words for you. The good news of the gospel is actually great news, especially against the pathetic backdrop of what religion tries to pander as the gospel.

Stop trying to please God. If you are doing anything or not doing something – anything – to try to get God to be pleased with you, love you more, accept you or feel differently about you, relax! Get off the treadmill! Because of the finished work of Jesus Christ accomplished in his death, burial, and victorious resurrection, God already accepts you, loves you, and is totally pleased with you.
Most Christians are familiar with, at least vaguely, and give passing assent to, what Paul says in Ephesians 2: our salvation is by grace, through faith – and even that faith is not rooted in us, but comes as a gift from God.

Putting aside for now the fact that for most people, at least evangelical Christians (who represent, I suspect, most of the people reading this blog), when they think of salvation, they think of having their sins forgiven so they can go to heaven when they die (and it means much more than that – see the sidebar “About Peace Offerings” for one idea about this), something happens to many believers after they initially come into relationship with God: they get religious.

Most of the time, when someone comes to know God, they are told the good news that God loves them just as they are and they can come to him by faith in the finished work of Jesus and nothing else.

Then, soon after, they are given, directly or indirectly, lists of things they must do to grow as Christians: reading the Bible, praying, going to church, witnessing, giving. And they are also given, directly or indirectly, and greatly varying depending on which church or group they are part of, a list of things they must not do. And in the context of whatever group they are part of, they are judged based on whether they are doing and not doing these things. And they judge themselves most severely.

The gospel of peace: God knew you, loved you, chose you. The Bible says that before the world we live in was ever created, before time and space were spun into existence from the spool of eternity, before sin was even a possibility, God knew you. He knew you inside-out; past, present and future; the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Psalm 139 is one good meditation about this reality written by David.

God didn't just know you at your best, but he knew you at your absolute worst: your lowest, most secret and shameful moments. He knew you – and knows you – completely, more thoroughly than you know yourself.

And in that worst, lowest, most secret and shameful moment, he loves you. From eternity past to eternity future (which is really not even a valid concept – there is no past or future in eternity, but I use those terms for a reference point), he loves you. Not at your best, but at your worst.

And then, he chose you. Eyes wide open, knowing and loving you at your absolute worst, he chose you for himself.

All this has nothing to do with you – never did, never will – but everything to do with God and who he is. God is love.

In the sacrificial and finished work of his son, Jesus, the Father knew you, loved you and chose you. In the finished work of Jesus, all that could ever separate you from God was done away with. God is not angry with you, but is at peace with you.

The good news of the gospel is that God has been reconciled to you – completely and forever.

The only thing keeping you from God is your own choice to believe the good news or not. All that could possibly separate you from God was done away with, once and for all, in the finished work of Jesus.

It's all about the heart. Everyone of us lives out of our heart. All that pertains to us in any dimension or expression of our lives is rooted in the condition of our heart. Proverbs engages us to guard the heart because out of it proceeds the rest of our life, for good or ill. Jesus said it this way to the religious leaders: "It's not what goes into a man from some external source (including behavior) that makes a man pure or impure, but it's what comes out of him" -- from the heart. We focus on the external -- what we do, how we perform -- but God always -- never an exception -- focuses on the heart. Your heart determines who you are, which determines what you believe, which results in what you do.

In looking at the heart, God's motivation is only love, his intentions are only good, his attitude one of compassion, his perspective one of acceptance. God sees the woundedness and brokenness of the heart, his marred image that we bear, and his only goal is to bring us into a place of wholeness, completeness.

God's goal in relating to you is not to get you to behave a certain way, to perform in a certain manner. It is to help you come to know his love and acceptance, and from that to come to a place of wholeness.

Once your heart begins to be influenced by God's love and acceptance, it affects what you believe and that affects what you do. Your being, believing and doing proceed from the wholeness and healing brought by your relationship with God.

Living in grace. But what about all those things we are supposed to do – reading the Bible, praying, witnessing, going to church, giving – and anything else you can think of?

Here is the key: do those things as a faith response to God's love, acceptance, forgiveness, and peace in your life; not in order to gain them.

Anything you set up for yourself as a law – to do or not do – reduces you to your own efforts, which will always be futile. The result of anything in your life you set up as a law – something you do to get God to be pleased with you or not be angry with you – will bring death, guilt and condemnation, cutting you off from experiencing the grace and life of God accomplished in the finished work of Jesus.
The writer of Hebrews calls these things “dead works”.

Here's a practical illustration: reading my Bible. If I set up a law for myself that in order for God to be pleased with me, to love me, to accept me, I've got to read my Bible every day, my perspective totally changes. Instead of getting into the word to hang out with my Father, for the life that's there, for the wisdom that's there, the revelation that's there, I'm reading so I can check it off my list and move on to the next thing (probably prayer).

And if I miss a day, I'm wracked with guilt and condemnation – God, I'm so sorry, forgive me. I'll do better. My perspective is so much on myself and my failure that I miss the opportunities to minister to someone else that day perhaps. And I miss the life, the victory, the relationship that God intended me to know with him that day.

Free from law. The finished work of Jesus totally abolished the law with regard to our righteousness, and with it, our own efforts to be and do right based on certain rules or standards.

Now, if you come from a religious background, rooted in what you do or don't do determining your relationship with God, as the earliest believers did, that probably shakes you up. If there is no law, if God loves and accepts me no matter what I do or don't do, doesn't that mean I can do whatever I want? Paul addressed that issue in several places, but especially well in Romans, particularly chapters 5 to 8.

If your perception of grace is that it drives you to sin, you don't understand grace. Once you understand that God loves and accepts you because of the finished work of Jesus alone, it doesn't make you want to sin. It frees you from it.

Un-Shack-led: Reflections on the novel The Shack. I had never heard of the novel by William Paul Young called The Shack. But the first time I was in the Topeka Public Library (a great library for the size town that Topeka is – I love it!), I was browsing in the new books section, and I spotted a small book that got my attention: Finding God in The Shack by Roger Olson.

What is The Shack? I wondered. I glanced through the book and found out that The Shack is a novel. My interest was piqued enough from what I saw in that first small book to look for the novel. I found it and read it.

The book has won incredible acclaim and has sparked intense opposition and controversy. Some people whom I respect have charged that the book contains heresy or new age ideas about God or warped theology. I disagree with this assessment completely.

While I don't agree with everything contained in the book, it's a novel, and wasn't written to be a theological treatise, even though it does address some sophisticated theological concepts. Mostly what it does is provide a parable about the incredible love of God and the lengths he will go to be in relationship with us. It's a great illustration of much of what I've written about above as the gospel of grace and peace.

I recommend the book to you, especially if you are struggling with doubts about the goodness of God, his love for you, or the problem of evil in the world. I intend to give the book away to people as the Lord leads me to do so as I minister to people the Lord brings across my path.

I also recommend the other book by Roger Olson to you (referenced above). Roger Olson is a theology professor at a Baptist seminary in Texas, and has some insights and perspectives about the theology in the The Shack which might be useful to you.

Topeka, Kansas. For the first time in over 20 years, I am renting an apartment. For the first time since I've been driving a truck, over five years, I have a home besides my truck. (For 15 months in 2006 and 2007, I did live in my grandmother's house when I moved back to my hometown of Rome, Georgia, to try to help care for my grandmother; it was home, but I always knew I wouldn't stay in Rome forever.)

I got to Topeka on January 19th, a Tuesday. Terry had been here since the previous Thursday. He had brought his camper up from Little Rock, and for the first month, we stayed there in cramped quarters – but it was a comfortable place to sleep while we waited on things to really get rolling for our new jobs.

I knew that God opened the door for me to come to Topeka to focus on making money in order to pay off my debts so that I can eventually get off the road, move back to Dallas, and let God work out his call on my life to ministry however he wants. But I also believed that God sent me here in order to grow, to have a ministry here, and come to a deeper understanding of all that he has begun to do in my life since the day he brought me back to himself last December.

I didn't know how I'd like Topeka – I've driven a truck through here several times over the past few years, but never stopped here, never thought I'd want to visit, let alone live here for a while. But I've found it to be a wonderful small city, with lots to do (even though I'm generally only here less than 36 hours on the weekends between runs to Denver and back), and friendly people.

Now you know a little of what's been going on with me for the past couple of months. Thanks for sharing this time with me. I'd love to hear from you!

Until next time . . . Jesus is Lord! Jesus' Love Rules!

I love you all . . .

Allan

Another Year Closer: Thoughts on Turning 45

45! Already? Today marks the beginning of the 45th year since my birth upon this earth. Naturally, such a day prompts various thoughts and reflections, both upon looking back and gazing forward. For me, this date is far less significant than the date of my rebirth: November 12, 1972. Yet, today is today, and my focus turns there for a while. I invite you to join me in these musings. Welcome.

There are certain birthdays which connote special times: 16, 18, 21, and perhaps 25. Then, for some people, the thresholds of 30, 40, 50 and 60 become more significant as youth departs and we begin to think in terms of decades so very easily.

For me, as for many (most?) people, my youth was optimistic, full of possibility for the future, hopeful, buoyed along greatly by my faith in God and the things I knew God had in store for me. Then, somewhere in my 30's, I woke up in a different life than I had envisioned; not a bad life, necessarily, but not the one I had believed I would live. Most people experience some version of this awakening, this disillusionment, this sudden discovery that youth has gone, and perhaps with it, its possibility.

Not too many years ago, my natural birthday marked another year closer to the inevitable end, another year further removed from my dreams, hopes, aspirations. Along with the possibilities of my youth, my faith was discarded. Life became a resignation to doing the best I could, trying to eke out what happiness I could in the remains of my life, never hoping for too much. For me, these annual days became just another day. Gone was my faith, God's call on my life, my purpose (outside of some self-defined vagueness), my hope, all charred ashes sacrificed on the altar of my choices, circumstance, and the ineffable, irrepressible flow of time moving on with or without me.

"We have things to do . . ." Suddenly, in the middle of this journey toward the end, God quietly walked up behind me, catching me unawares.

His words were the first moment I knew he was there: "I love you. I'm still here. I'm not through with you."

Turning, I see his familiar face, eyes beaming full of love for me.

"Father. Have you been looking for me?"

Laughing -- no one's laughter is like God's -- he said, "Son, I didn't have to look for you. I've never left."

As he caught me in loving embrace, all that would come: "My Lord and my God!"

Then, crying tears of joy and gratitude, I fall at his feet in amazement, cling to his feet washed by my tears. "Abba -- Daddy -- Father!"

After what seemed only a moment, though it could have been years, he said, "Get up, son. We have things to do, you and I."

Closer. You may imagine that encounter has altered my perspective somewhat.

Looking back from this vantage point of 45 years, as we measure things, when I look over that span, I see God's fingerprints all over my life. There was never a moment he was not present, never a circumstance his strength was gone, never a choice he wasn't redeeming. I gaze back and see the love and faithfulness of family and friends, God's blessing on my ministry, the beauty of my marriage.

Now, at 45, I can say I am closer.

One year closer to seeing my dreams become reality.

One year closer to fulfilling the call God placed upon me in eternity past and which I heard when I was 14.

One year closer to "laying hold of that for which God laid hold of me".

One year closer to laying down this body, being freed of the limitations of time and space, entering eternity and the fullness of all God's purposes for me.

"The End is Just the Beginning." I think of Sister Addis, a dear and godly woman whom I remember from childhood from the times my aunt Joan took my sister and I to church, where Sister Addis served faithfully with her husband. I see her now, having laid aside this mortality, standing next to her Savior, looking across eternity, saying across the ages, "Death, where is your sting? Grave, where is your victory?"

I think of my good friend Van, who, having run the race and faithfully finished his course, is on the shoutin' ground now. I quote from a journal entry from January:

Monday night, about midnight, my phone rang. It was Angela ..., Van's wife. She called to let me know that sometime early Sunday morning, Van had passed away, presumably, she thought, of a heart attack. One second, Van was up, returning to bed after getting up to go to the bathroom, he stopped and sort of slumped against the wall, and then collapsed on the floor. When he hit the floor, he was already in glory. It happened just that quick. Angela said she never heard him say anything; the only sound was when he hit the floor. They tried CPR, but Van was already on the shoutin' ground, dancing around the throne, enjoying the presence of his Father and his Savior, all thought of this world gone, I assure you. I see him there now as I write this, and I am filled with joy at the thought of my good friend of so many years finally home. I see him smiling, shouting to me in that wonderful way he had, “I'm here, Brother! I made it! And it was worth it, it was all worth it, every bit of it! Glory to God, I'm home, I'm home, I'm home! Hurry on up here – it's great, Brother! Can't wait til you git here!”

I can't sit still at this computer another minute -- I've got to run and shout a little bit! Won't somebody go with me?

[Intermission. Your patience is appreciated while the blog author engages in what is traditionally, in some circles, known as a "runnin' spell" or a "shoutin' fit". He can be seen jumping, dancing, and frankly doing movements one would not normally associate with a large white man. Who said large white men can't dance? -- Editor]

{Heard somewhere on the internet: "Myrtle, I believe somethin's got a holta that boy." Then: "Earl, hush, I'm tryin' ta read this. Go back in yonder and watch Sports Center or somethin'."}

Okay, I'm back.

45 . . . and beyond. As God literally redeems my life and reconnects me with his call, his purpose, and my dreams before my eyes, I can say with confidence that 45 will be the best year of my life. Far from being behind me, my best days are still to come. No matter what. Keep watching -- you'll see!

We're all moving closer to something. What are you moving closer to?

Some blog housekeeping. Since the last entry, I've put a new section in the sidebar to the right, below the section entitled "About Peace Offerings". It's a section of links to my favorite blog entries from my old blog, Lonesome Dove Xpress-ions. In addition to the links mentioned in the last entry, at the suggestion of a couple of people, I added a link to an entry titled "You're Doin' A Great Job!" Some folks have found it humorous. I put it in as a sidebar section for those curious enough to read those entries, some of which contain some decent writing, I think.

Things to come . . . here. No matter that I've been sporadic in writing entries in this new blog til now; I have been working on entries since its inception. Each time I sit to write what I think will come next, it changes as God works in my heart.

That said, it is my goal for the next little while to post an entry each Sunday, beginning March 28 (of course, if you are reading this entry at a later date, all that is moot). Subject to change, I still have in my heart to outline where I envision things to go over the next few times we meet here:

Week 1: "Stop Trying To Please God" -- not what you think; some meditations and thoughts on the gospel of grace and peace.

Week 2: "Dreamer" -- 1st of three entries in a series outlining some of my journey with God which I hope encourages those who read it.

Week 3: "Doubter" -- part 2 of the series.

Week 4: "Redeemer" -- part 3 of the series.

It is possible there could be changes to what I intend to write, especially in 3 weeks when I go to Dallas. I am expecting God to do mighty things during the days I am there, both in terms of my own life and in my ministry while there. I can't wait to see what God's going to do!

In days to come, I will probably share some thoughts from what I've been primarily meditating on, studying, and enjoying over the past several weeks: Psalm 73. I haven't quite decided how that will work itself into the writing here, but it's what I'm anticipating at some point.

And, for all of that, as for all else in my life, I must say: "as the Lord wills."

Until next time, walk in God's favor and peace . . . Jesus is Lord! Jesus' Love Rules!

Much love to you all . . .

Allan -- the 45-year-old

The End Is Just The Beginning

I had no idea when I wrote the first entry in this new blog that so much time would lapse before I wrote again. I have so many ideas for things I'd like to write, directions I could go; I just don't know where the words will take us right now. Let's see, shall we? Thanks for coming along with me as far as you like . . .

Flashbacks. I mentioned in the first entry my intention for quite some time to retire the Lonesome Dove Xpress-ions blog, at least for now. It may yet have a purpose I haven't discerned. Over the three years (almost) that I wrote in that blog, some entries contained better writing than others, and some entries became my personal favorites. If you read that blog over the past years, perhaps you have entries you liked more than the ones I would choose -- I'd be interested in hearing about that if so.

What's ironic about my own favorites is that in every case that I can think of, the topic had nothing (or merely peripherally) to do with trucking.

All that is to introduce a short section containing links to my favorite entries from the past three years. Coincidentally, the first one happens to have been written on Valentine's Day two years ago.

February 14, 2008: "Valentine's Day: A Personal History" -- the loves of my life; also contains my favorite poem of all that I've ever written, "Knowing You", which I wrote exactly ten years ago today on 02/14/2000. The part of this entry which is my favorite begins at the section titled "Valentine's Day".

May 10, 2008: "Mother's Day: Three Remarkable Women" -- tributes to my Mama, my sister, Cindy, and my grandmother, Nanny. To the extent the writing is good in this entry, it only reflects the love and honor I feel for these women.

June 13, 2008: "The Hero" -- a Father's Day tribute to the most awesome man I've ever known: my Daddy. And his entry in my address book still reads, where it indicates "title": Hero.

February 15, 2009: "Four Years Later" -- a tribute to the ten years I had with my wonderful wife, Charlotte.

December 19, 2009: "The Gift" -- the last entry of that blog and the genesis for this one.

"Small Steps, Giant Leaps." The last entry of my other blog and the first entry of this new blog detail the reawakening of my faith after several years of dormancy. As I have yielded to the Lord, he has done even more during these past weeks than I could have imagined. I am amazed at his grace and mercy manifested in my life -- Father, I thank you for your faithfulness, your love, your tender mercies renewed in my life. You amaze me, you are so cool, and I love you!

Detroit, Michigan. Just after the first of the year, I was just south of Detroit, waiting on a load that wouldn't be ready until late that night. I was wanting to get to Atlanta and then Dallas as quickly as possible before eventually going up to Topeka to start driving with Terry once more. Instead of leaving that morning, as I'd planned, I was stuck until almost midnight that night. Waiting. (Waiting is something truck drivers do more than driving sometimes.) But I asked the Lord to order my steps, and believed he would, so I was able to wait in contentment and peace that his purposes were being fulfilled in the time there.

I decided to go next door to the truck stop and get some breakfast. As always, I took the book I was reading with me. It's a book by Randy Alcorn called If God Is Good, a biblical defense of the presence of suffering in face of the goodness of God, which was one of the issues the past few years that I had wrestled with as I had discarded my faith. (The book is okay at some points, but he spends one whole section of the book trashing some of the expressions of faith that I've embraced most of the past 25 years, so I was selective in my adoption of some of his conclusions. But the idea of a biblical defense of the goodness of God against the backdrop of evil in the world is a worthy one, and Alcorn mostly does his job well when he doesn't start attacking fellow believers.)

The point of mentioning it here, though, is only to say that's what I was reading when I went into the restaurant that morning to order breakfast. The server came over to bring coffee and get my order. The book was laying on the table, and I was either texting or e-mailing on my Blackberry. Not paying too much attention. After a couple of minutes, the server, a nice young lady in her early or mid-twenties, came back over. My first thought was that the food sure was ready quick. I looked up, and she very shyly said, "I don't mean to interrupt you, but could I ask you a question?"

"Sure." She had my full attention now, as did the Lord.

"What is that book you are reading?"

"Well, it's written by a Christian about how we can believe in the goodness of God even though there is so much evil and suffering in our lives and in the world in general."

"Well, I believe in God, but lately, I've begun to doubt." She went on to tell me how she had lost both her father and one brother to drug overdoses, and just over last Christmas had walked in on another brother using drugs.

"Well, I went through a time in my life the last few years of being angry at God, doubting my faith, but my faith in God and his goodness are being restored." I encouraged her to keep seeking God, to believe in his goodness, and his good intentions for her and her family. I told her I'd pray for her.

She smiled then and thanked me for encouraging her, throwing her a lifeline of hope.

When she brought my check, she had written the sweetest note on it: "Thank you for talking to me. Have a GREAT day!" Below that, she signed her name and drew a big smiley face.

Meanwhile, the Lord told me to leave that book for her. I had already read most of what was going to be useful to me anyway. So, I left the book with a note inside and my e-mail address.

A couple of days later, I received an e-mail from a friend of the young lady, who was writing for her because she didn't have access to a computer or e-mail. It testified of the work the Lord was doing in her heart -- and I was able to be a part of that just because I was (1) at peace in waiting, trusting God; and (2) because of the waiting in peace, I was available.

That's all the Lord really wants or needs from us -- our trust and availability. Yes, he's given us talents and giftings, strengths that will enhance whatever he chooses to do with us, but the important thing is our trust and availability.

Venus, Texas. Saturday, January 16. I was in Dallas in the midst of the most significant weekend of my life (much of which I will detail in days and weeks to come in this blog), and was driving down to Cleburne to visit my precious cousins, friends, and partners in ministry, Chris and Deb. I was just on the south end of Venus (and when you read this, you might think I'm talking about the planet Venus instead of the town of Venus; that's okay; think what you want) coming into Alvarado going down US highway 67, doing about 65 miles an hour, listening to some worship music and praying. Suddenly, to my right, I noticed a group of men standing along a fence line. I thought they were repairing the fence. Then I looked a little further behind them, and saw that there was a church there.

"Turn around and go back there." The Holy Spirit, a welcome and familiar voice in my heart.

"What? Why?"

"Turn around and go back there. I will show you what to do when you get back there."

So, at the very next spot to turn around, just about 500 yards up the road, I turned around, all the time thinking how crazy this seemed, how crazy those people would think I was if I walked up to them and told them God told me to come back there. "For what?" I could imagine them saying. "Uh, I don't know."

But God told me he would show me, so I shut down those vain imaginations, and told the Lord I was trusting him. There's that pattern of trust and availability again. Conventionality has never been a requirement on God's part.

So by now, I'm pulling into the church lot, putting the car in park, still waiting on God to tell me what this is all about.

Suddenly, I know I'm supposed to walk over to where those men are still standing along the fence line and confirm what they are doing. I still don't even know what they are doing, but the Lord wants me to go tell them he's confirming it. So, here I go. They are about 100 yards from me, their backs to me.

As I walk up behind them, I realize they are praying. I still can't hear clearly, but I can tell that's what they are doing. These men didn't see me pass by, turn around, or come back. And they don't know I'm walking up behind them.

Then, I'm right there, and I can hear one of the men (whom I learn from his words is the pastor of this church) praying. He's thanking God for the way he's led them up to this point, the people who have been saved, the miracles they've witnessed. And then he goes into dedicating this property to God, for his plans and purposes, and praising him for the vision he's given them for the church, and the future plans God has for them.

When he said that, I knew exactly what to do.

He said "Amen" shortly after that, and these 11 or 12 men all turn around to see me, a total stranger, standing in front of them.

I looked right at the pastor, pointed my finger at him, and said, "You don't know me, but God had me turn my car around to come back here and tell you that he is confirming what you're doing here, that he will honor you for honoring him."

Those men all started shouting and praising God. Without another word, I turned around, walked back to the car, and continued to Cleburne.

Those men still don't know who I was, or where I came from; I don't know anything about them or that church, except what God told me to tell them. But we all know the Lord sent a stranger with a word. That's all that matters.

Dallas, Texas. Sunday, January 17. My last day before leaving for Topeka. I am visiting with people I love, including Stretch and Orie, people I worked in ministry with in Dallas when I lived there in the late '80's and early '90's -- and now. That is a story for another entry.

Other people I'm visiting are some of the kids (now adults) I worked with in those days of ministry in Dallas. These kids, in particular, among the thousands I worked with, were as my own kids, and remain so to this day. They could not be more my children if my very blood flowed through their veins. So it has always been, and always will be. Now, these days, my kids have kids, so I am a grandfather by adoption. And these kids love me as much as their parents did. That's part of another story as well.

So it happened that I was visiting people I knew I proabably wouldn't see for quite a while, and I was going back over to Stretch and Orie's for church that night. One of the grandkids, Beonce (I call her "Boo"), wanted to go with me. So off we go. From where we were, Lorena's, we went over to see a dear, dear woman I've known for 25 years, who is part of this extended family, and whose own children used to be part of my ministry in Dallas. (This would be Boo's great-aunt, Carmen.)

Carmen has had some health problems over the past few years, so before we left, I knew I needed to pray for her, for healing, health, provision, and blessing on her life. As I went to lay my hands on her, the Lord told me to have Boo do the same and pray with me. So we both layed hands on Carmen and prayed.

We also went to Fort Worth to see one of my other kids, Joe. Boo and her sister Edith (whom I call "Frank" -- long, funny story to that one, but not for now) went with me there (and if you are trying to keep everyone straight, Joe is their uncle). I enjoyed a wonderful visit with Joe (as I always do), his wife, and his kids (one of whom, Jacob, when I came for a visit after being away for several years, came up to me and said, "My dad said you were like his dad, so I guess I will call you 'grandpa'" as he gave me a huge hug).

Joe had just had surgery, so before I left, I prayed for him, and just like at Carmen's, all the kids gathered around with me and layed hands on him and prayed for him.

I dropped Edith back off at her aunt's house, and Boo and I went on over to Stretch and Orie's. Boo is eight years old. On the way to Stretch and Orie's, we talked about the Lord, and I told Boo some things the Lord told me to tell her when I was praying on my way to Dallas the week before. One result of that conversation was that Boo accepted Jesus as her Savior, much as I had done when I was seven, and much the same way her own mother, Perla, had done when she was eight years old (this would have been in 1985 I think). I was there for that, too.

Here's the point of this particular story: one of the things that happened when I was in Dallas was that I was reconnected in ways I could not have imagined with God's call on my life, and his hand on my life for ministry and the calling I recognized back in 1980, when I was fourteen years old. Most of that involves Heartlight, the ministry I worked in with Stretch and Orie; but some of it involves this legacy of these kids and their kids -- 25 years ago, I led these kids to the Lord and they worked with me in ministry, just as Boo was doing that weekend.

God's work of restoration and redemption in my life, and the ways it's reconnected me with dreams, plans, and purposes of God, his call on my life, continues to amaze me. I can only lift my hands in awe and worship, thanking the Lord for his faithfulness and love. There is more about all this I will write later, but for now, it is enough.

The end is just the beginning. As I end this entry, I can say it's really only the beginning of many things in my heart even now to write. But the constraints of the clock telling me it's time to get ready to drive from here (Topeka) to Denver mean I must finish for now.

But I end with this question for you, whomever you are who is reading these words (and if you are still reading, I count you bravely done and well met): have you lost that connection with your dreams, with your faith, with God? Have you thrown away your calling, your purpose? Looking back over your life, have you thought, "It's too late for me. I could never go back to the way it was before. God can never use me again."

If that's you, I can tell you: it's not too late, you're not too far gone. I will tell you what the Lord told me that Saturday, December 19, 2009, sitting in a big orange truck at a truck stop in Greeneville, Tennessee, stuck in a snow storm: "I love you. I'm still here. I'm not through with you."

He says the same to you. "I love you. I'm still here. I'm not through with you."

Until next time . . . be blessed! Jesus is Lord! Jesus' Love Rules!

Allan the Anointed Trucker

Same Truck, Different Driver

"The Gift." The genesis for this blog has its roots in an entry in my other blog, titled "The Gift". You may click --here-- to read that entry. A follow-up to that entry seems in order: after writing so much about Christmases Past and how Christmas Present was going to be much more special than I could have thought, it was especially fitting that I was routed to Atlanta on Christmas eve, and without my asking or expecting it, I was given two days off (Christmas and the day after) and got to spend it with my family in Georgia. Talk about a gift!

Peace Offerings: what? why? You can read one interpretation (though there might be others) of the title of this blog in the side panel titled "About Peace Offerings". Originally, when I was considering the idea of starting a new blog focused on my individual journey with God (and not just on my adventures with my best friend Terry driving a truck around the country), I was considering several titles. The one I thought of first, and really liked, was "This Pilgrim's Progress". However, I decided against it because there are already several blogs with that title out in the wild. My next thought was to call it "Shoutin' Ground", but (to my slight surprise), a quick check revealed at least one blog with that title already exists.

Driving down the road yesterday in my truck, I was thinking about the real message of the gospel -- the gospel of peace. Hmm. Then I thought about the concept of the peace offering (or wave offering) in the Old Testament as an expression of gratitude (among other possibilities) to the Lord. Those ideas sort of percolated in my mind a while, and it seemed like an appropriate name for what I envision doing with this blog.

That said, the original ideas for a name for this blog, "This Pilgrim's Progress" and "Shoutin' Ground" are still cool as well. I like them all.

Topeka, Kansas. Ironically, just as I was considering (and have been for quite some time) retiring, at least for now, the Lonesome Dove Xpress-ions blog, it happens that Terry and I will be teaming once more (for the third time in three years) with Schneider. We are going to be working on a new dedicated Home Depot account based in Topeka and will be making regular runs to the Denver, Colorado, area. The initial attraction for both of us is the fact that Schneider is offering a $5000-per-driver sign-on bonus, paid out over the course of a year. In addition, we anticipate pretty consistent miles that are more than I've been getting driving solo (with rare exceptions, one of which I will detail below) since we quit teaming last April.

Terry is currently in Dallas going through orientation. I'm in Atlanta, and am hopefully making my way to Dallas in the next day or so. From there, we will both go to Topeka. There is lots to do when we get there, but we are looking at getting started up there sometime next week (after January 18th).

2010: My Year of Open Doors! The last week of the year, one of the things I listened to was a series originally taught at the end of 2003 at the church I attended when I lived in Florida. It was called "2004: The Year of Open Doors". Since it was so good, and helped to reconnect me with much that I had been apart from the past few years, I adopted its theme for myself for this year. And it has already come to pass in ways I would not have imagined (e.g., the open door to Topeka).

With that idea in mind, I include below some of the things I'm believing God for this year, dreams I'm pursuing, goals I'm working toward (these are taken from a recent journal entry, with some modifications):

• Restoration and redemption - inherent in those terms is the idea of wholeness, making something whole that has been broken, regaining what has been lost (or, in my case, given away, thrown away, wasted); the image that came to my mind when I first wrote about this in my journal was when Jesus had fed the crowd of thousands of people, and he instructed the disciples to "gather the pieces that are left over. Let nothing be wasted." (John 6:12, NIV) How does God take my wrong choices, wasted time, foolish thoughts and work it so that in spite of those things, in one second of time on Saturday afternoon, December 19, 2009, at a truck stop in Greenville, Tennessee, in the middle of a winter storm, with one breath of "Yes, Lord" from my lips, I am as much in the perfect will of God as though I were never out of it? And yet, he does; indeed, he is.

Comments. Over the past few weeks, I have already begun to experience this restoration that I am believing God for, and cooperating to effect. I would never have believed, had you told me so, that I would even be at this point so quickly. Those who know me well can testify that it is indeed a different driver in the same truck driving down the highway. Father, I praise you and thank you for the work of healing and restoration you are working in me. I am amazed at your love and goodness manifested in my life. You are so cool! And I love you. Truly, that is "shoutin' ground"!

• Debt-free and beyond - I am believing God for provision to enable me to be free of debt in 2010, and, even more, to have resources sufficient to meet my needs with abundance to be able to help others, which is truly the passion of my heart (but it is quite stupid, as I can attest, to try to express that passion using credit cards or extending oneself beyond available resources, especially when one isn't involving God in the equation; God's provision is much better than Visa's, and God "adds no trouble to it").

Comments. About two weeks ago, for the first time in a long time, I decided to invite God to be involved in my finances. Since then: (1) the first week, I was totaling up my miles for the week, and was surprised to learn that, with no changes in what I was doing, and no real difference that I could have detected, I had more miles that week (in the measure of about 25%) than I'd had in a very long time - at least a year; hmmm; (2) the opportunity for the job in Topeka opened up, with the promise of more income -- substantially more; (3) originally, my plan called for dropping my old truck here in Atlanta, renting a car to drive to Dallas, and then go with Terry up to Topeka this Thursday; however, Friday afternoon, my dispatcher sent me the message that what they would probably do is put me in a newer truck here in Atlanta, and let me drive that up to Topeka. Get this: not only does this save me the cost of renting a car; but I'm being paid to drive to Topeka, hopefully via Dallas (I find out tomorrow if that's part of the plan, or can be), and in a newer truck. All that with no involvement on my part, other than reading the message from my dispatcher with my mouth hanging open in amazed gratitude.

• Going home to Dallas - since living there many years ago, even after I left, my heart has always been in Dallas. I love that city. I love Texas. And people I love are there. Connections as real and important to me as any in the world. I had sensed, before the opportunity in Topeka opened up, that I would possibly (to my delight) be returning to Dallas very soon, perhaps getting off the road and doing something else. Moving to Dallas is in a practical sense tied to eliminating my debt, so for me, at this point, going to Topeka is simply the shortest way home. And, who knows what will open up from this move to Topeka (this is, after all, my year of open doors!)? Stay tuned.

• Reconnecting with God's call, purpose, vision - this is intricately connected to my return to Dallas in ways I can't even imagine; but it involves my home in Dallas, House of Heartlight Freedom Ministries (Heartlight to me), and it involves the fruit of my ministry in Dallas from many years ago and those ongoing connections. I don't know more than that, but it will work itself out in the fullness of its time.

• Studying and becoming fluent once more in Spanish - this was one of my goals for last year as well

• Topeka - more than just a conduit for more income, and therefore part of the path to enable me to go home to Dallas, and perhaps get off the road, I am believing that whatever time I spend in Topeka will be one of growth, ministry and purpose

God takes his job back. From my personal journal, I paste an account of something that happened last week as testimony of the work God is doing in my heart.

Now, Monday was also a day of significance where the Topeka venture was concerned. I had called two people last week, one of them twice (S., who will be our dispatcher on this account), and hadn't heard anything back. I didn't want to bug them, and I realized that last week was a hectic week during a holiday period, end of the year rush to get lots done, and coming up on a 3 day weekend. So I decided to give them Monday to get caught up and thought they'd maybe call me back during the day. I was at peace. But I also felt an urgency that if things were going to work out like I envisioned (getting to Atlanta tomorrow, spending Saturday in Georgia, and then driving a rental car in Dallas Sunday to spend time with everyone before Terry and I leave on Thursday morning for Topeka), we needed to get things started at least. I was also annoyed that Terry had more communication about what was going on than I did, and he was coming back to Schneider from another job. Shouldn't I at least know as much about the situation as he did?

Well, Tuesday morning, I woke up about 0330, very agitated, angry, anxious, and ready to call these guys on Tuesday morning and offer them a sarcastic piece of my mind about their inability to call me back. Oh, I was ready! But I was not in peace, and I wasn't trusting God, so I knew I needed to work this out and get to a place of peace in this situation once more. So, I called Stretch, thinking he'd probably be up. He was. We talked and prayed, and we prayed for the Lord to remove the impediments that were keeping things from happening. I thought we were talking about these other people – that's what I was thinking about as we prayed.

We got off the phone, and I was going to doze back off to sleep when I just heard the Lord say, very softly: “You're the impediment. Not those other people.”

What are you talking about Lord? These people need to call me back. They are holding up our plans.

“Our plans? When did you consult me about these ideas you have about the way things are supposed to work out? Did I tell you this was how it was supposed to happen or when? I don't remember doing so.”

Um . . . I guess not. I guess those were my plans. Sorry, Lord. I repent right now and give this back to you.

The image that came up in my spirit as this little conversation was taking place was of me sitting in a big director's chair at a big stage production. All the actors (these buffoons in Schneider who weren't calling me back) had their scripts, but they weren't in their places or taking their cues. God was wearing the Producer's hat, and I was looking over at him. He had his arms folded calmly across his chest looking at me with gentle patience. In order for this to work right, he needed to be wearing the Director and Producer's hat, and I needed to take my place on the stage with the script that he would give to me.

As I repented for trying to figure things out and play God (a regular habit, I notice, unless I remain on guard against it), the peace of God came over me, and I realized I didn't need to call anyone, especially to “give them a piece of my mind”, or do anything. Just wait. God would take care of it.

So must end this first entry of the new blog. There is more on my mind, but sleep is calling more loudly to me each second.

Until next time . . . Jesus is Lord! . . . Jesus' Love Rules!